In this scene: Interesting Steve (abbreviated IS). Bobdonius (Bob for short), and of course, Colin Tu!
*Inside the Octagon* (aka a cage- as in cage fighting)
Colin Tu: Remind me why we’re here again, guys?
IS: It’s our turn to show you something we like to do.
Bob: Yeah. Plus, it will be good for you. You know, help you deal with those guys that pick on you at school.
Colin Tu: I don’t know… Wouldn’t you rather just play RPG…?
*Bobdonius and Interesting Steve share a glance*
IS and Bob in unison: No.
Colin Tu: (sighs) Okay. So, what do I do?
IS: Good question! I’m going to attack you, you stop me. Got it? Bobdonius, tell him what he’s doing wrong.
Colin Tu: No… I don’t know wha-
*Interesting Steve attacks! In an act of pure athletic majesty, he runs and jumps into the air, grabs Colin Tu’s head, and throws one leg around his neck while bringing the other leg up beneath Colin’s right arm. In an instant, Colin Tu is on the ground, his neck and arm firmly synched in a fully locked triangle choke*
Colin Tu: Ah, I give, I give!
Bob: See, you did two things wrong there, Colin. First, you don’t say, “I give” you “tap out” by tapping the other person’s body to let them know you quit. And second, you shouldn’t let him do that to you. Next time punch him in the face or something.
Colin Tu: Really? I don’t want to let him do that to me? Are you sure? (mumbling) stupid fighting… I’d win if I had my sword…
IS: What was that Colin?
Colin Tu: Nothing.
*Interesting Steve and Bobdonius proceed to “lay down the smack” upon Colin Tu for another half an hour*
Colin Tu: (panting) Okay guys. I tap. I’m tired of this. Can’t we do something else?
*Bob and IS laugh*
Bob: Sure, Colin. What’d you have in mind?
Colin Tu: (smiling) I’ll show you. Let me towel off real quick though.
*Colin Tu goes to his duffle bag and pulls out a towel, towels off, then pulls out a four foot long Styrofoam guarded plastic sword*
Colin Tu: (calling over his shoulder) Ready guys?
Bob: Sure, Colin.
*Colin Tu smiles and spin around, running inside the cage with his sword held high. Interesting Steve is on the mat, facing the other direction Bob starts to warn him, but is too late, Colin Tu bashes Interesting Steve on the side of the head*
Colin Tu: Bam! You’re dead!
*Colin Tu runs over to Bobdonius and proceeds to beat him atop the head with his fake sword*
Colin Tu: You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead! *rears his head and laughs* I’ll show you “Ultimate Fighting!” You’re puny skills are useless against my sword of MMA (mixed martial arts) fighter slaying!
IS: Colin, what the hell?
Colin Tu: No, you’re dead! *runs over and smacks Interesting Steve aside the head again* And the Ultimate Fighting Gods frown upon your weakness, and they give all your skills and all your talents to me!
Bob: You’ve got to be kidding…
Colin Tu: Well, that was fun guys!
Colin Tu: Hey guys, when we get home, do you want to play RPG?
IS: How does he always manage to ruin this?
Bob: I don’t know, dude. I don’t know…